Feeling so different from everyone around me as a child got in the way of me seeing myself as lovable. I struggle with this still as so many people have. It took decades to see this girl as beautiful and worthy, and I continue to lift her up and love her now that I have a deeper understanding of who she was and is today.
As I shed the false notions of what I no longer have to be or do, I find myself in places raw and vulnerable and seeking light. I am doing the shadow work to remove the blocks that stand in the way of authentic happiness, and it isn't easy. I wrote this letter to myself as I watched the world change around me this spring - bringing up pain and trauma which forced me to deal with old negative patterns. I am sharing this letter now - just to illustrate one way we can all heal the wounds we acquire on the journey of life. We can tell ourselves the things we should have been told and in doing so can fully embrace our life and purpose.
Dear 7 Year Old Charlynn,
What I want you to know more than anything else is that you are beautiful, special and meant for great things. You have a magic heart that can see the love in people and it is truly a strength and superpower. The world around you right now isn’t showing you all that you are meant to see right now, but it is all coming. You, my love, are going to live an exciting life.
You aren’t responsible for anyone’s feelings but your own. You have a voice - it is powerful and important and needs to be shared. Your thoughts are important. Your choices matter the most. You are the boss of your body and your body is a precious place of beauty. You are different, and that is good, but you are different in all the best ways possible. You are a strong, kind girl and you are beautiful to the core. You are a child of the future, all of the worlds people generated the magic that you are - revel and delight in your beautiful brown skin. You have generations of ancestors watching and guiding you as you grow.
Just know that the way you see yourself and speak to yourself is more important than anything anyone else says or does. There are people all around you who don’t get your beauty or strength, but it is because they have a limited vision. The world is big and full of good things for you. Speak kindly to yourself. Love yourself more than you love other people - it isn’t selfish! Reject the negative voices around you. They don’t know how to love themselves, so what they are saying about and to you is how they see the world.
Stand up and sing when you are given a chance. Celebrate your life every day. Read ALL the books. Travel all over the world. Show people how to be kind and use their hearts. Give a lot of love. But give it to yourself first. When people tell you you are special - believe the best in that word and build on it.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve all good things. You aren’t at fault or responsible for any bad that you will grow up around. It isn’t your pain or problem. You deserve to know how truly beautiful you are. You are worthy of success. You are full of grace. ‘Adopted child’ isn’t anything to feel weird about - adoption means chosen. You don’t have to explain yourself to the world or the family that adopted you. You get to exist - just as you are.
You came into the world on a Sunday - always remember that:
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
This is you, Charlynn. Beautiful, kind, good and happy. Life will continue to get better for you as you become your true self.
Love,
45 year old Charlynn
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