For a time, it seemed like everywhere I turned someone was telling me to "love yourself". More. Every day. As if you are falling in love... and on and on... As much as my mind could hear all of this, my sensitive, untrusting and much wounded heart would scoff, "Uh... sure." I am a mixed bag of emotions, full of sharp criticism and painfully aware of my failings and limitations. Outwardly, I radiate a lot of positivity. But that is for the world at large and the people I am surrounded by. Turning it inward hasn't been an easy thing in any way, shape or form.
I put the following question to myself in order to dive deeply into the topic of self love. "What does my love look/feel/smell/taste/sound like?" More simply put, what is the experience of my love. What emerged from that question has been the result of years of self work, loving practices, continuing to push my own limits emotionally and spiritually and an unwillingness to accept that I am done. I am a work in progress, and just as I love others in my life as they progress, I know that I can love myself this way too.
The most influential factor driving the creation of this list, is the love I have for my children. One day it hit me that the most tangible way of understanding the experience of my love is to put myself in the place of my children. How do I love and nurture them? Can I turn that feeling directly back onto myself? You bet. And you can too. These are five ways I grow self love every day, and I hope you can use them to encourage your own growth and self love too.
1. Embrace the (perfect) imperfections
As a (still in recovery) perfectionist, I struggle with letting go the notion of fixing or refining things that don't. really. matter. For example, while I continue to move toward health and vibrancy, after years of the diet roller coaster, I let go of the idea of a 'diet' and crafted the notion of my healthiest happiest self who had a healthy and balanced relationship with food and exercise. What I discovered was that when I am happy, I am not thinking about my generous :-) thighs. When I am exercising without the regimen of a program, I am happy. So, I exercise to get happy and I love the thighs that help me move. No one that loves me seems to care one way or another what my thighs look like, so why should I torture myself for not having thighs that I likely was never meant to have? I shouldn't. And neither should you.
2. Create a personal mantra and use it
As a yogi, I work with a lot of mantras and many of us do in many ways. A mantra, simply put, is a statement or phrase used in repetition to have effect on thoughts/mood/emotion/spirit. Nike turned a mantra into a slogan, "Just Do It". My current mantra - "I Am Divine, I Am Worthy, I Am Beautiful" is with me as I take walks, as I wind down to go to sleep, as I sit in meditation, etc. I repeat it to myself because words matter and they shape us. Dropping a positive phrase into your day repeatedly is the warrior that does light battle with the dark thoughts.
3. Surround yourself with happy faces (of you)
Vision boards are a mainstay in my life to stay focused on my current goals. This time around for my vision board in the new year, I added photos of me smiling, me laughing, me with people I love and me in happy moments. The constant visual of my happiest times help me continue to generate that type of life energy in the present. And I see me smiling at me, which is a beautiful experience.
4. Write a love letter to your 7 year old self
Recently, I participated in a course designed for entrepreneurs to get going with their dreams. One of the exercises early on was to hear from my young self. As an addition to the activity, I wrote a letter to me just as I would to one of my kiddos. Sending love to the seven year old me was so much easier to do as I was also thinking of the things I say to my children. Or the things I would want them to say to themselves. It's a powerful and emotional experience, but the result was a happy inner me who felt loved on a whole new level.
5. Be the boss of your body
Nearly every day, I tell my kids to "be the boss" of their body. What that means is no one dictates to you what to do with your body. You have to listen to the wiser folks around you in regards to nutrition (that means eat your veggies, not just gummy bears) and personal safety (don't run screaming into traffic), but ultimately you are the boss of you. Take care of your precious vessel to the best of your ability. Don't mistreat it willingly or put it in harms way. Don't listen to critics who don't live in your skin. Don't let anyone touch you without permission and consent and don't touch anyone else without permission and consent. Get the right amount of sleep for your body. And give yourself a hug - good bosses know that hugs matter too.
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